The Book That Saved the Earth

A Historian in a twenty-fifth-century museum welcomes the audience. She says the twentieth century was the "Era of the Book" and that in 2040 a Martian invasion was stopped - not by an encyclopedia or war manual, but by an unexpected book. She turns on the historiscope to show what happened.

In the Museum of Ancient History on Earth, a Historian introduces her department of twentieth-century curiosities. She explains that the twentieth century was called the Era of the Book - books existed on every subject and taught, illustrated, educated, and even decorated life. She asks whether Mother Goose, a book of nursery rhymes, could save Earth from Martian invasion, then activates the historiscope. The scene shifts to Mars Space Control, where Great and Mighty Think-Tank, Commander-in-Chief, sits with Apprentice Noodle at a switchboard.

Think-Tank is vain and peevish. He consults his mirror to confirm he is the most intelligent being in the universe and orders Noodle to contact the space probe to Earth. He plans to invade the "primitive ball of mud" before lunch.

Noodle bows with an elaborate salutation, but Think-Tank scolds him for leaving out part of it and makes him repeat the whole praise. Think-Tank consults his mirror - "Mirror, mirror, in my hand" - and an offstage voice confirms he is the most gifted being. Admiring his egg-shaped head and handsome Martian race, he tells Noodle to keep exercising his mind to someday have a balloon brain. He orders contact with Probe One on Earth and declares he will invade that ridiculous little planet before lunch.

Captain Omega, Lieutenant Iota, and Sergeant Oop enter Earth's Centerville Public Library. Think-Tank watches through Noodle's screen. He decides the room is a refreshment stand and the books are sandwiches - two slices of bread with filling. He orders Oop to eat one; Oop finds it dry as Martian dust.

The Martian crew wanders confused among catalogue drawers and bookcases. Think-Tank declares they are in a crude refreshment stand because Earth creatures are always eating. He identifies a book as a sandwich - two slices of bread with filling - and orders it eaten. Omega passes the "honour" down the ranks until Oop bites a corner of the book and pantomimes chewing with terrible faces, reporting it is dry as Martian dust. Noodle then recalls surveyor films showing Earthlings do not eat these sandwiches but use them for communication.

Think-Tank orders the crew to listen to the books, but they hear nothing. Noodle gently suggests Earthlings open them and watch them - eye communication, not ear communication. Omega picks up Mother Goose; the crew sees pictures, squiggles, and dots Think-Tank calls a code.

Think-Tank haughtily claims he meant communication sandwiches all along and orders the crew to listen. Holding books to their ears, Omega, Iota, and Oop hear nothing. Noodle tentatively notes that Earthlings opened sandwiches and watched them. Think-Tank "clarifies" that these are for eye communication and tells Omega to examine a large colourful volume. Omega lifts Mother Goose; the crew sees pictures of Earthlings and thousands of lines, squiggles, and dots - a code Think-Tank decides must be broken, perhaps proving Earthlings are not so primitive.

Think-Tank orders the crew to swallow intelligence vitamins, then decipher the code. Omega reads "Mistress Mary" and Think-Tank panics - Earthlings grow silver and explosives in gardens. "Hey diddle diddle" convinces him cows can attack Mars. He stops the invasion fleet.

Noodle reminds Think-Tank that the chemical department gave the crew intelligence vitamins. Think-Tank orders them swallowed at once, then commands transcription of the code. Omega reads seriously: "Mistress Mary, quite contrary…" with silver bells and pretty maids in a row. Think-Tank alarmingly concludes Earthlings combine agriculture and mining, growing rare metals and high explosives. He tells Noodle to hold the invasion fleet. Iota reads "Hey diddle diddle" - cow jumping over the moon, laughing dog - and Think-Tank decides Earthlings have taught animals musical culture and space techniques and may launch an interplanetary attack of millions of cows.

Oop reads "Humpty Dumpty" and shows a picture that looks like Think-Tank's balloon head. Think-Tank screams that Earthlings have seen him and plan to capture Mars Central Control. He orders evacuation to Alpha Centauri and flees in a space capsule.

Oop transcribes "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall…" and turns the picture toward Think-Tank, who screams that it is his Great and Mighty Balloon Brain. He interprets "had a great fall" as a plan to capture Mars Central Control and him - an invasion of Mars. He orders Noodle to prepare a space capsule, commands the crew to remove all traces of their visit, evacuates the invasion fleet and the entire planet of Mars, and heads for Alpha Centauri, a hundred million miles away, as the curtain falls on the Martian panic.

The Historian returns and laughs: one dusty book of nursery rhymes saved the world. Five hundred years later Earth and Mars became friends; Think-Tank was replaced by wise Noodle. Earthlings taught Martians to read - but Martians still cannot bring themselves to read Mother Goose.

Spotlight returns to the Historian, who chuckles that Mother Goose saved Earth from Martian invasion in 2040. By the twenty-fifth century, Earthlings and Martians resumed contact and became friendly. Great and Mighty Think-Tank was replaced by the wise and wonderful Noodle. Earth taught Martians the difference between sandwiches and books, helped them read, and built a model library in Marsopolis. Yet one book Martians still refuse to read is - Mother Goose. The Historian bows and exits as the curtain falls.